Good Friends...Good Food
Gettysburg Presbyterian Church
1 Samuel 20: 1-11
July 3, 2011
Rev. Lou Nyiri

Sometimes in life you want to be where everybody knows your name...and…sometimes you don’t.

Think – “Norm” from the sit-com Cheers set in a Boston bar.  He walks in – everybody stops their conversation – turns toward the portly fellow and shouts, “Norm!”
Think – The young man seated in the left field corner at Wrigley Field attempting to do what any baseball fan would do when a foul ball hit was hit his way – only this time it happens during the 2003 National League Championship Series and in his attempt to catch the foul ball it is deflected away from left fielder Moises Alou who had jumped and reached into the crowd to make the play.  Some would say this event cost the Chicago Cubs a World Series chance as the Florida Marlins went on to score 8 runs from which the Cubs could not recover, thus forcing a game 7 which the Cubs lost.  This man had to be escorted out of the ball park by security because the crowd turned violent on him throwing food, drink and debris his way.  He was forced to change his phone number when his personal information was distributed via online message boards.

Sometimes in life you want to be where everybody knows your name...and…sometimes you don’t.

Think - the two men in our Scripture readings this morning – David & Jesus.
Both of these men were known by the people around them and at times, I’m guessing, probably didn’t want to be that well known – because the people around them – especially, the people in power – wanted them dead.
And yet, in the face of such circumstance, these two men give us poignant words about friendship.

Friendship is the key.
Friendship is a powerful aspect of our human existence.
Friendship can be defined differently from person to person and from culture to culture.
 Some have said, “Where I grew up, a friend was someone, that if he stole four wheels off someone’s car, he gave you two of them.”
“A friend is someone, that if he stole your hog, he’d bring you some of the sausage that he made from it.”
In the classic movie directed by Frank Capra It’s A Wonderful Life, Clarence Oddbody writes these tear-invoking words to George Bailey in the movies closing scenes, “Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence.”
Tim McGraw sings in his song Live Like You Were Dying about a man in his early forties who gets life-changing news which stops him on a dime and after spending several days processing the words of his doctor and looking at the x-rays, this man concludes several things and makes some life changes, one of which is,“I became a friend a friend would like to have.”

What is it about the pace of life that causes us to think about things like friendship during the closing moments of life?
While we seem to be connected now more than ever and at a faster pace – then why is it that we feel isolated, lonely, empty?
If we were created for friendship & relationship, then why do our friendships seem superficial and shallow?

Maybe it’s our move toward living more solitary lives.
We can work from home, bank and shop on-line, we can have our purchases delivered to our front door – we don’t even have to be home or answer the door to sign for them.
We can rent movies through cable.
And let’s not forget text, twitter and facebook. 
WE don’t have to leave the confines of our homes to engage in social interaction.
Though, it’s like I recently heard, “When was the last time you heard someone say to you, ‘let’s get together so we can text.’”

I’ve read recently that when people come to church, they may not be looking for a “friendly church,” they may be looking for a church where they can make a friend. 

Friendship can be powerful.
The statistic I talk about with our youth with regard to their high school friendships is that they will stay in contact with only about 10% of those they consider friends in their graduating class.  This means that if you have a group of 10 friends – you’ll only stay in touch with about one of those ten after graduation.  The other nine, well you’ll have to go to class reunions to catch up.
That’s not meant to be a “downer” it’s meant to awaken us to the fact that our friendships are important – and they take work – they take effort on the part of the two persons involved in the friendship.
It makes one wonder Is a one-sided friendship – really a friendship?

For David and Jonathan, it is referred to as hesed, which is a difficult term to translate adequately.  In the Old Testament, this word appears often in connection with Israel’s covenant with God where it is frequently used to describe God’s covenant love and loyalty.
It is often translated as “steadfast love,” “loving kindness” or “mercy.”
In 1 Samuel 20, both David and Jonathan appeal to this concept.
Katherine Sakenfeld, in the most thorough and useful study of hesed suggests that the term really indicates both the attitude and the action of loyalty in relationships. 
Her analysis is very helpful in reflecting on the role of loyalty in the relationship between Jonathan & David.

In 1 Samuel 20, hesed is used only in reference to this covenant commitment between the two friends.
In our specific passage this morning, it occurs in verse 8 when David asks that Jonathan show hesed (loyalty) toward him because of the “covenant” between them, “…deal kindly (hesed) with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a sacred covenant with you…”

In this verse, the depth of loyalty and commitment that supports their friendship is revealed.
David & Jonathan’s relationship is not just a casual attraction between comrades in arms.
Their friendship is a covenanted relationship originating in love – maintained in a loyalty which is prepared to accept the personal and political implications of the commitment between them.

Jonathan has responsibility as a son to his father, Saul; for that matter, David, too, has obligations as a son-in-law to Saul.
However, Saul’s intention to kill David places family loyalty in conflict with a covenant made between Jonathan and David.
Yet, these two in a sense understand that the choice they make not only affects their friendship – it also affects the future of Israel.
David is to be king – Jonathan in helping to spare David’s life is giving up his heir to the throne.
Jonathan knows that loyalty to David is not simply to a friend – it is to the one who will be king instead of him.
Some would say, Jonathan chooses David over Dad.
While there is some degree of truth to this statement, it is probably more correct to say that Jonathan seems to see the most clearly of anyone involved in the story that David represents God’s future for Israel.
So in a way, Jonathan chooses for the Lord and not just for David.

In this dynamic we see a model of friendship that chooses for itself a depth of intimacy and commitment not derived from family or social position.
Their friendship was grounded in the covenant – the promise – between the two and was practiced through the loyalty each gave to and claimed from the other.

Friendship can be powerful.
Friendship – a good friendship – can be life changing.

We approach this table set before us remembering another of the Bible’s great friendship stories.
In this meal, we remember how during supper, Jesus got up from the table, tied a towel around himself, poured water into a basin and washed the disciples feet.
He served them.
He gave of himself.
He set an example for them to follow – he told them they were blessed if they knew and did such things.
Then later – just two chapters later – in John 15 he tells these same disciples, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

He tells them – “You are my friends if you do what I command you.  I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”  (John 15:12-17)

Friendship and Good Friends can be powerful.

A teenager with cancer spent many months in the hospital.
During his stay he received radiation and chemotherapy.
During his time there he also lost all his hair.
As he returned home from the hospital, he began to worry a different worry.
This time his thoughts didn’t focus on the cancer, rather he began to wonder how his return to school would go.
He began to feel hesitant with his decision not to wear a hat, a wig or any covering on his head.

As he walked from the car to his front door, the anxiety began to well up from deep within his being.
He walked through the front door, head down and deep in thought, then as he lifted his head he saw to his surprise, a room filled with his friends who jumped up and shouted, “Welcome Home!”
As he looked around the room, at his friends in front of him, he could hardly believe his eyes.
There was Billy from the basketball team.
There was Sarah from his English class.
There was Phil from the neighborhood.
There was Alison from his after-school job.
There was Joanie his first crush.

Beyond the faces he saw before him and above the words they shouted to him, he saw their hesed – their loyalty – their loving kindness – their steadfast love – their mercy – their sacrifice – their friendship…and he saw it in their shaved heads – for all who stood before him were as bald as Telly Savalis or Vin Diesel.

Good Friends & Good Friendships can be powerful – they can be life-changing.

May we encounter such friendships in our lives.
May we foster such friendships in the lives of those around us.
May we begin so today.

Return to the Sermons Menu