Dealing with Difficult Feelings: Guilt
Gettysburg Presbyterian Church
David C. Wright
II Sam. 11 & 12; Ps. 51
May 23, 2010

          Did you know that the U.S. government has invited you to contribute to a “Conscience Fund?”  The fund, created in 1811, accepts donations from people who have defrauded or stolen from the government and feel guilty about it.  Donations have ranged from 9 cents (for a stolen stamp) to over $40,000 in stolen money.  Most donations are from people who are looking for a way to ease their consciences, though some have questioned whether there is real repentance going on here.  Consider this letter:  “Dear IRS, I have not been able to sleep at night because I cheated on last year’s income tax.  Enclosed find a cashier’s check for $1,000.  If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send you the balance.”
          And, did you know that there is also an apology hot line which people can call when they want to feel better about some wrong they’ve committed, but can’t or won’t talk to the person they’ve actually wronged!  Callers have high expectations.  One caller to the hot line left a message which said, “I hope this apology will cleanse me and basically purify my soul… God knows, I need it.”  Apparently there are a lot of people with strong feelings of guilt that need help in dealing with them.  But I wonder, can a call to a hot line “cleanse” someone and “purify their soul?”  How about sending the government a cashier’s check?  And, if not, how do we deal with guilt feelings?            Let’s talk about two approaches for dealing with guilt.  One common approach, espoused by some psychologists, simply assumes that all guilt feelings are irrational, harmful, and pathological.  And since these feelings are believed to be partly responsible for neuroses like depression, the goal of therapy is to alleviate guilt feelings through a variety of means, usually involving excusing what has been done.
          We must concede that there is some validity to this approach.  Some people have overactive consciences and carry enormous loads of guilt over things for which they are not even responsible.  Perhaps their last words to a parent or other loved one before they unexpectedly died, were harsh and unloving.  And this Memorial Day weekend, as we honor those who fought on our behalf, we are reminded that some of those who fought and made it home are plagued with survivor’s guilt, an irrational sense of sorrow that they survived and others didn’t.  You get the picture.  Some people feel unreasonably or disproportionately guilty due to events over which they had little control.  In such cases, finding a way to help the person excuse him or herself from what they have done makes good sense.
          But what if we feel guilt because we are in fact guilty of an actual moral offense?  In that case, trying to eliminate the guilt without dealing with the offense could actually be harmful.  Writer Brenda Poinsett puts it this way, “True guilt is a valuable asset for living.  It helps us when we hurt others or betray our own standards and values.  God uses guilt to influence us to change our minds about what we are doing, leading us to repentance.  If we never felt guilt, we would not follow rules or standards, obey the law, or have good relationships with loved ones.”
          So then, how do we deal with guilt when we’ve committed an actual offense, perhaps even something mean-spirited, or cruel, or seemingly unforgivable?  Let’s look at a well-known biblical story and see what we can learn.
          Around 1000 B.C., David was the well-established king of Israel.  One fine spring day, as he was lounging on the high roof of his palace, he saw a beautiful woman bathing nearby.  He learned that the woman’s name was Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah the Hittite.   But David didn’t care who she belonged to.  Listen to what happened next as found in II Sam. 11:4.  “David sent messengers to get her, and she came to him, and he lay with her.”  Contrary to contemporary depictions of this story, this was no romantic love affair.  When the king sent for you in those days, you came.  She may well have been coerced into sexual relations here.  Certainly, she had no real choice in the matter.
          Then things went from bad to worse.  Bathsheba, whose husband was out fighting a war for David, discovered she was pregnant.  Like many political leaders since, David began a cover-up, bringing Uriah home from the front in the hope that he would sleep with his wife, and believe that the child was his.  Unfortunately, in an act of nobility and solidarity with his troops, Uriah refused to indulge in the pleasures of married life while his troops were still out in the field.
          Frustrated, David then sent instructions with Uriah back to his military commander, Joab.  David told him to have Uriah placed where the fighting was fiercest and then pull the other Israelite troops back, leaving Uriah exposed.  The commander followed his orders and Uriah was killed.  When Joab sent word to David concerning Uriah’s death, this is what David cynically said to the messenger, “Thus you shall say to Joab, ‘Do not let this matter trouble you, for the sword devours now one and now another;  press your attack on the city, and overthrow it.’”  (II Sam. 25)  Then David sent for Bathsheba and made her his wife.
          It appeared that David had gotten away with adultery and murder, and had ended up with the woman he desired, guilt-free.  Except that we find these ominous words at the end of chapter 11, “But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.”  God was deeply offended by what David had done, and he wasn’t about to let him get away with it.  He sent him a brave prophet named Nathan, who by using a parable, broke through David’s rationalizations so that he could see the horror of his sin.  David was then overcome with guilt and remorse- as he should have been!
          You see, when there is actual wrong-doing, when we have transgressed a divine standard, guilt is the appropriate feeling that we should have.  Otherwise, we are nothing more than unfeeling, callous beasts.  Guilt shows us that God’s gift of a conscience is still working!  But no one wants to get stuck in feeling guilty.  And that’s where David is at this point of the story.  How does he deal with it?
Fortunately, we have deep insight into how he dealt with it in the words of Psalm 51.  The superscription of the Psalm reads, “A Psalm of David, when the prophet Nathan came to him, after he had gone into Bathsheba.”  David’s experience in dealing with guilt gives us an excellent model for dealing with our own guilt.  Here’s how the Psalm begins:
          1Have mercy on me, O God,
             according to your steadfast love;
             according to your abundant mercy
             blot out my transgressions.
          2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
             and cleanse me from my sin.
          3For I know my transgressions,
             and my sin is ever before me.
          4Against you, you alone, have I sinned,
             and done what is evil in your sight,
             so that you are justified in your sentence
             and blameless when you pass judgement. (Ps. 51:1-4)
          David is clearly overwhelmed with guilt here.  “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me,” he laments.  He makes no attempt to excuse or rationalize what he has done.  He labels it as sin, as transgression- not just against Bathsheba and Uriah, but against God.  Dealing with guilt which is based in actual wrong-doing begins with an admission that we have sinned, that we have failed to be the person that God has created us to be.  This is confession. 
In a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, 6 year-old Calvin says, “I feel bad that I called Susie names and hurt her feelings.  I’m sorry I did it.”  His stuffed tiger, Hobbes, responds, “Maybe you should apologize to her,” to which Calvin replies, “I keep hoping there’s a less obvious solution.” 
But there isn’t!  One of the reasons we have a Prayer of Confession in our worship services is to remind us that we are sinners in need of God’s mercy- that our sin is real, and that it is destroying our relationship with our Creator and with one another.    That’s where David begins dealing with guilt, and that’s where we need to begin, by admitting our sin.  But, thank God, that’s not the end of the story!  Let’s keep reading the Psalm.
          7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
             wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
          8Let me hear joy and gladness;
             let the bones that you have crushed rejoice.
          9Hide your face from my sins,
             and blot out all my iniquities. (Ps. 51:7-9)
          David asks God to take away his sin, to purge it out of him, to make him as white as snow, to blot out all his iniquities.  Here is where a God-centered approach to guilt has tremendous power.  Rather than simply excusing or rationalizing our sin, we ask God to remove it from us altogether.  To take it away and make us clean again. 
Remember the woman I mentioned earlier in the sermon, who called the apology hot line?  She was asking to be cleansed, that her soul be purified.  Unfortunately, a telephone hot line does not have the power to do that!  But God does.  If God can forgive an adulterer and murderer like David, then God can certainly make you clean, and restore you to wholeness, no matter what you’ve done.  The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ assures us of God’s love and forgiveness for us, in spite of our sin.  God can make you clean!  And there’s even more.
          10Create in me a clean heart, O God,
             and put a new and right* spirit within me.
          11Do not cast me away from your presence,
             and do not take your holy spirit from me.
          12Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
             and sustain in me a willing* spirit. (Ps. 51:10-12)
          God not only forgives our sin and wipes the slate clean, but God can restore joy to our lives.  This is like the experience of a young child, who tearfully asks forgiveness from a loving parent, who then embraces that child in his arms as both of them rejoice that their relationship has been restored.  That’s what is going on here!
          The movie, “The Mission,” is set in 16th century Brazil, where  priests have established a mission to bring Christianity to the native Guarani people.  At the same time, slave hunters, including a man named Mendoza, are capturing the native people and selling them into unspeakably horror.  At one point Mendoza realizes the gravity of what he has done and is overwhelmed with guilt over his slave hunting and other sins.  He is at the point of suicide when one of the priests intervenes, convincing him that there is hope for him, if he will only trust God, and choose a penance for his sin.
          Mendoza elects to pull a large, heavy ball of armor and weapons behind him as penance as he and the priests trek for days through the rugged jungle on their way to the mission.  As they near the mission, they must climb a high, treacherous, slippery rock face above a raging river.  Mendoza perseveres, step by agonizing step, desperate for absolution from his sin.  As they near the top, the joyful native people greet the priests and welcome them back to the mission.
          Because of his burden, Mendoza, covered in sweat and mud, arrives sometime later, still dragging his armor behind him.  As he appears, a native man recognizes him as one of the slave traders who was responsible for kidnapping their sons, daughters, and other loved ones.  As he angrily approaches Mendoza and holds a knife against his throat, Mendoza submissively waits, ready to die for the awful things he has done.
          But in a gesture of forgiveness and reconciliation, the native man takes his knife and cuts the rope which attached the ball of armor to Mendoza and kicks it into the river far below, forever freeing Mendoza from his burden.  Mendoza is overcome with joy as the burden of his guilt is finally gone.  He and the native people cry and laugh together, finally reconciled.
          This is a wonderful picture of what God will do for us.  If you find yourself weighed down with guilt, humble yourself, admit your sin, and ask for forgiveness.  God will cut the rope that binds you to your sin and free you from the burden of guilt.  This is one of the greatest gifts of Christian faith.  Thanks be to God!

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