Dealing with Difficult Feelings: Jealousy
Gettysburg Presbyterian Church
David C. Wright
I Sam. 18:5-16;
May 23, 2010

          One upon a time, two shopkeepers, Joe and Fred, whose stores were directly across the street from each other.  They were horribly jealous of one another.  Each kept close track of the other’s business, becoming enraged when the other one enjoyed success, and rejoicing when the other failed.  One night an angel appeared to Joe, hoping to put an end to his jealousy.
          “I will give you anything you ask,” he said.  “But whatever you receive, Fred will receive twice as much.  Would you like to be rich?  You can be very rich, but Fred will be twice as wealthy.  Would you like a long and healthy life?  Fine, but Fred’s will be longer and healthier.  What do you want?”
          After a few minutes of thinking, Joe smiled and said, “Strike me blind in one eye!”
          Frustrated, the angel went across the street and made the same offer to Fred.  Fred pondered the proposal for several minutes before responding, “I’ve got it!  Strike me half dead!”
          That’s the way it is with jealousy and envy.  We’d rather be half-blind or half-dead than see our rival prosper!  As we finish our series on dealing with difficult feelings, we come to jealousy, which Shakespeare famously called the “green-eyed monster.”  Most of us have struggled with jealousy or envy at some time in our lives, and some of us are in the throes of it right now.  If we don’t deal with it, it can destroy us and those we love.  So let’s reflect on jealousy for a few minutes, asking what causes it, what effect it has, and what we can do about it.
          There are a number of biblical stories that are driven by jealousy- Cain and Abel, and the elder son in the story of the prodigal son.  The religious leaders of Jesus’ time were poisoned by their jealousy of his ministry, and Paul’s detractors were jealous of him.  But for this morning’s Scripture lesson, I’ve selected the story of Saul and David, which clearly demonstrates the causes and effects of jealousy. 
Around 1100 B.C., while Saul was king, the Israelites were regularly oppressed by the more technologically sophisticated Philistines.  And while Saul was a brave warrior, he was unable to stop the harassment of his people.  But then a young man named David seemingly came out of nowhere to defeat the great Philistine warrior, Goliath.  David then joined Saul’s army, and we pick up the story in I Sam. 18:5-16.
          5  David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him; as a result, Saul set him over the army. And all the people, even the servants of Saul, approved.
          6  As they were coming home, when David returned from killing the Philistine, the women came out of all the towns of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments.
          7  And the women sang to one another as they made merry, "Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands."
          8  Saul was very angry, for this saying displeased him. He said, "They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands; what more can he have but the kingdom?"
          9  So Saul eyed David from that day on.
          10  The next day an evil spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house, while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand;
          11  and Saul threw the spear, for he thought, "I will pin David to the wall." But David eluded him twice.
          12  Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul.
          13  So Saul removed him from his presence, and made him a commander of a thousand; and David marched out and came in, leading the army.
          14  David had success in all his undertakings; for the Lord was with him.
          15  When Saul saw that he had great success, he stood in awe of him.
          16  But all Israel and Judah loved David; for it was he who marched out and came in leading them.
Let’s make a few observations about how jealousy operates based on this story.  It seems to me that there are two conditions necessary for jealousy to take root.  First, there must be some kind of insecurity in the heart of the affected person.  Jennifer James, a cultural anthropologist, says this about jealousy, “Jealousy is simply the fear that you don’t have value.  Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point- that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you…”  Saul, for whatever reason, had deep-seated insecurities that plagued him throughout his life.  Remember the story of how he came to be ruler of Israel?  He actually hid himself when the people were searching for him so they could anoint him as king!  These are not the actions of a confident, secure man!
          Many of us have insecurities, too- about how we look, about our talents and abilities, about what we’ve achieved, even about our spiritual progress.  And these insecurities provide fertile ground for the growth of jealousy.  We’re “scanning for evidence to prove” that others will fare better than we will.  And that evidence is usually not too hard to find.
          In Saul’s case, it was provided and fueled by the songs the women sang when he and David returned from battle: “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands.”  A more secure man might have been able to laugh it off, knowing that popular opinions ebb and flow, seeing David as simply the “flavor-of-the-month,” and knowing that ultimately David’s successes reflected well on Saul!  But Saul is unable to do that.  His insecurity drives him to see David as a rival, and he angrily “eyed David from that day on.”  Jealousy often results when the seed of unfavorable comparison is sown into the fertile ground of our insecurity.  That’s clearly what happened with Saul and David.
          The result?  Left unchecked, jealousy causes us to become suspicious of the motives and actions of another person.  As C.S. Lewis put it, “A jealous man, drifting and unresisting, reaches a point where he believes lies about his best friend.”  It brings us to a point where we can no longer see any good in this person of whom we are jealous.  Unlike love, which the Apostle Paul tells us, believes and hopes all things, jealousy refuses to believe or hope any good for the other person.  Unlike God, who sees intrinsic value in each person, simply because we are made in God’s own image, jealousy blinds us to the value in the other person.  And that can lead to destructive behavior.
          In Saul’s case, as he stewed in his jealousy of David’s continued success, his rage resulted in an attempt to kill David with a spear- twice!  And several other murderous attempts followed later.  Thank God that our jealousies don’t usually result in attempted murder, but they are still destructive.  That’s why the Apostle Paul groups the sins of jealousy and envy along with sins like murder and malice, because he knows that jealousy is destructive to human relationships.  Saul’s jealousy of David eventually resulted in broken relationships with his own son and daughter, who were loyal to David.
          Jealousy is destructive to relationships today, as you can see on virtually any reality show on TV!  It’s also destructive to relationships in the church.  I once served with a church staff member who was extremely jealous of a colleague.  It made their working relationship almost impossible, and it resulted in tense relationships with other staff members as well.  It had a horrible effect on staff morale, and sucked energy from the entire congregation, too.  Jealousy is destructive if we don’t deal with it.
          But dealing with jealousy requires more than a psychological solution, for the problem is rooted in matters related to our relationship with God.  At its heart, jealousy reveals a failure to trust that God will provide what you need.  Let me repeat that- at its heart, jealousy reveals a failure to trust that God will provide what you need.  Rather than focusing on God’s ability to provide for you, jealousy chooses to focus on another person, comparing your situation with theirs, concluding that you are being short-changed and that their successes must lead to your failures.
          So, cutting off jealousy at its root begins with reminding ourselves of God’s promises to us- to love us, care for us, and provide for us. 
When I was in college, I was consumed with jealousy for a while following a break-up with a girlfriend.  I found myself regularly turning to several scriptures to help me deal with my unhealthy feelings.  Matt. 6:25-34 was a favorite.  There, Jesus reminds us that if God feeds the birds of the air and clothes the grasses of the field, how much more will he care for us!  Psalm 20 and 34 were also helpful.  The 23rd Psalm reminds us that God walks with us even in the presence of our enemies.  If you want to deal with jealousy, I would suggest you remember God’s promises to care for you.  Read them daily.  Memorize them.  Repeat them throughout the day.  What God gives to that other person, or what they obtain by illegitimate means is not your concern.  That is between them and God.  You need only focus on God’s promise to care for you.  And, of course, you can talk to the Lord about your jealousy, asking him to deliver you from it.
          You may also benefit from talking with a trusted Christian friend or counselor about your feelings of jealousy.  They may be able to help you re-train your mind so you aren’t consumed by it.
          Remember the film “Amadeus” about classical composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?  It was told from the point of view of another musician, Antonio Salieri.  Salieri was a gifted court musician, who dedicated his talents to God and expected God to make him famous in exchange for using his talents to serve God.  All saw swell until Mozart came along, the boy wonder, who could write and perform circles around Salieri.  And Mozart was an obvious sinner, who was immature, vulgar, and obscene.  He ran off with the ladies every chance he got.  “How can this be?” thought Salieri.  Here he was, dedicating his life and talent to serve God, and yet this upstart jokester had been given far more talent than he!  Salieri became obsessed with the injustice of this situation.  It poisoned his relationship with Mozart and others, and ultimately it poisoned his relationship with God.  In time his jealousy lead to a mental breakdown.

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