How Do I Know What Is Right?
Using Biblical Guidance to Make Ethical Decisions
Exodus 20:1-17 and Matthew 22:37-40
Gettysburg Presbyterian Church
Harry G. Winsheimer
Septemeber 28, 2008

Situation: Mary, a woman with whom you are friendly --­ could be your mother, grandmother --­ tells you her story and asks for your advice. Her story goes this way.

As you know my husband, Bill, is in the dementia unit of the nursing home. About twelve years ago, he started to forget. We have not had a normal conversation for a decade. He kept getting worse and worse, until seven years ago I had to put him into the home. He has not known me in four years. I used to go visit him three, four times a week. Now, I go once a week. I make sure Bill receives the best care. He just sits or lies there. I cry a lot. I have cried rivers! Very sad! Very lonely! A couple of years ago, I met this wonderful man, George. He was visiting his wife in the room next door. She died well over a year ago. I wasn't looking for anyone. It just happened. We started talking,­ commiserating really,­ and then going out for dinner. I feel so guilty that I am being unfaithful emotionally to Bill. But, George and I are so good for each other. When we are together, I feel so warm, loved and even hopeful. Our son says that I should divorce his Dad and marry George. He says that his Dad died emotionally years ago, and that I am dying, too. He tells me to get a new life. I am torn apart over this. What should I do? What is right?

What would you say to this woman? And why? What would you say if she were your mother or grandmother, your sister? What is right?

I served on a sexual misconduct ethics committee of a presbytery. I served on the ethics committee of Presbyterian Homes of Western New York. How many of you have served on, or serve on, an ethics committee? [Show of hands, please.]

How many of you attend a school or work where there is a code of ethics? [Show of hands, please.]

How many of you make ethical decisions? [Show of hands, please.] We all make ethical choices.

When making ethical decisions, we often need more than one guidance. It is like this. Have you have bought a car? When you looked at the car, did you stand in front of the car in the showroom and say to yourself, "Humm. It has a windshield, a bumper, headlights. It has a front. It must be okay. I'll take it."? When we buy a car, we look at the front, then look at the driver's side, then look at the back, then look at the passenger's side, and then get into the driver's seat and look at it from inside. We look at it from different viewpoints. We ask many questions. Likewise, in this business of ethics, one viewpoint, one guideline, one question, may not give sufficient clarity. A cluster of viewpoints, guidelines, and questions may be more helpful.

One essential belief of Christians is that God loves us and out of concern for our well being has given us ethical commands and teachings in The Holy Scriptures. Like a loving parent, God teaches and guides us. 

What does God teach us in Holy Scripture about ethical living?

1. Pray and obey the revealed commands of God for living in family and community.

The Ten Commandments have been the starting point for ethical deliberation throughout Judeo Christian history. They are commands. We use them as standards and deduce what is appropriate. They provide God's vision of what will make for the safest, happiest lives. Envisioned in the Ten Commandments is a community in which we revere God, we respect each other, we are not afraid for our lives or our property, and the truth is told in court.

God teaches that we are not created to be loners. We are to live with God in a variety of communities. Our attitudes and behaviors affect someone, because we live in communities – family, church, neighborhood, city, state, nation, ethnic, racial, occupational, social. The biblical assumption is that we need ethics because we always are interacting in community. We use the expression in American culture, "private morality." When President Clinton and the country were moving through the Monica Lewinski situation, I frequently heard the expression "private morality." As they discovered, even what we tend to think of as private may not be. God never uses that expression. Biblically, the idea does not exist. Look at the Ten Commandments and at the summation of the law by Jesus that we just read. Every command has to do with relationships, with how we interact.
"Honor your father and mother," illustrates the ethic. Why honor our parents? So that they may live to 100? No, so that we may live long lives. Not that our parents may live long, but that we may. Think about God's point. If I mistreat my parents, what have I modeled for my children and grandchildren? It is okay for them to mistreat me, or ignore me, when I become old and dependent; therefore, with less emotional and physical nurture, I may suffer greatly and die younger.
The Ten Commandments have us asking: What does God command that we do for building up and caring for the family and community?

2. Also, pray and take a long-term view.
God's concern is for the community, long-term. That is important! For example, a person of the opposite sex may really turn me on, get me very sexually excited (Charlotte, don't listen!).  (Read about David and Bathsheba in II Samuel 11ff.) If I commit adultery, I may enjoy it tremendously. The attention, the thrill of sneaking around, and the sex may invigorate me, making me feel more alive. But, how does my adultery impact Charlotte -- the spouse to whom I made a commitment -- our children, our grandchildren, God, and my own sense of well-being? And would you be indifferent when you heard of my adultery? There would be a thunderous explosion in this church! In the year 2010, will I look back and say that the adulterous affair was a blessing, when everyone is considered? Command. Community. Long-term.

3. Pray and do what is loving.
According to Jesus and the writers of the New Testament, Christian love is the ultimate criterion in deciding what to do. Love is the highest good, the greatest gift.

Jesus lived by this code. In Jesus' culture, on the Sabbath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday), people were expected to do nothing but worship -- no grocery shopping, no cooking. Doing any kind of work was taboo -- even most health care. They wore a straightjacket on the Sabbath. They had taken the command to keep the Sabbath holy to a ridiculously repressive extreme.  If you got sick on the Sabbath, it was your bad luck.  They were not going to help you; helping you would be work and illegal on the Sabbath. (This is a neat illustration of needing more than one guideline to make an ethical decision.) The authorities took a commandment and abused people with it. Mark wrote:

Jesus went back to the synagogue where there was a man who had a paralyzed hand. Jesus said to the man, "Come up here to the front." Then he asked the people, "What does our Law allow us to do on the Sabbath? To help or to harm? To save a man's life or to destroy it?" But they did not say a thing. Jesus was angry as he looked around at them, but at the same time he felt sorry for them, because they were so stubborn and wrong. Then he said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and it became well again." Mark 3:1-6

Jesus did the loving thing!  The well-being of people is the ultimate test. Christians ask, "What is the loving thing to do?

4. Pray and provide for the well-being of all people.

God does not urge us to ask what we will get out of it. Isn't that interesting? Would I be correct that most of the time Americans will ask: What is in it for me? How is this going to affect me? That is what I instinctively ask in my conversation with myself. God knew that most of us would ride the sports-car of self-interest, go too fast and crash, hurting ourselves and injuring others.  We need guidelines to prompt us to think and behave justly, taking into consideration the legitimate needs of others.

Therefore, God champions the poor, the alien, the dependent in society. God expects Christians to be concerned about fair treatment of both the stronger and the weaker, those able to stand up for themselves and those not able.  In the Old Testament, God repeatedly through prophets challenges the authorities, because they use their power for themselves and not to protect the widow and orphan.  Repeatedly God challenges the rich for using their power to ignore or abuse the poor.  In Scripture, God is the advocate for those less powerful, poorer, sicker weaker. 

Therefore, an appropriate question to ask is: Does my behavior provide for the well being of all persons?  

5. The last guidance that I will mention is pray and practice the Golden Rule.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, Jesus taught. (Matthew 7:12) That is a straightforward idea. You try to put yourself into the other person's shoes. Would I want to be lied to? Would I want to be raped? Would I want to be cheated? Would I want my spouse committing adultery? If I were suffering, would I want a feeding tube inserted if I had no hope of recovery? Sometimes it helps to flip the subject and object, and make oneself the recipient: Would I want this done to me?
Summary and Conclusion

Five questions to ask in making ethical decisions: 1. Has God revealed any commands that will guide me toward positive impact on my  family and communities?  2. What will be the long-term consequences? 3. What is the loving thing to do? 4. What is the just thing to do? 5. How would I want to be treated?

What would you say to the woman whose husband is demented in the nursing home?

This is tough. Her situation is hypothetical only in the details. I have worked with several men and women,­ long-time Christians, active church volunteers, conscientious people, who wanted to do God's will and were in this predicament.

Eavesdrop on a family conversation over dinner after worship.

Son says, "Dad is not going to get better. He could live years. Take care of Dad, and marry George. Go to your attorney and see that all of us are taken care of, including Dad. You deserve happiness, and George is a good man. He will do what is right by you and Dad."

Sister is firm and clear, asserting: "You married Bill for better or worse, for sickness or health. You can't divorce him now, no matter what it costs. It would not be right!"

Daughter says, "Mother, this is the 21st century! Avoid all this tension! Just live with George! People of your age are living together all the time to keep pensions and Social Security. Half of my friends are living with their boyfriends. Take care of Daddy, but live with George. Enjoy your life."

What would you say?

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