Stewardship of Anger
Ephesians 4:22-27, esp. 26-27
Gettysburg Presbyterian Church
Harry G. Winsheimer
July 27, 2008

Did you have sharp words with someone already this morning?  My guess is that the majority of you parents snapped at your children to get them moving.

I remember one Sunday morning driving to my last church.  The church was located on a corner, as is this one.  The cross street was empty, except for one car coming very fast, about a block away.  The light turned green.  I started to move, watching, cautious of that lone car.  Thank God!  Zoooom!  “Hey you!  What are you trying to do, kill me?”  I swear that the driver accelerated to beat the light, and flew though on the red.  Why?  Risk my life, risk his life, to save one minute!  I was angry!  Then I was not in the mood to worship. 

We forget some anger in minutes, while other anger becomes part of us and has to be managed.

Are you in touch with any anger, recalled because you hear me talk about anger?

The Text

The Apostle urges his readers, the people of the church in Ephesus, to renounce pagan ways and adopt Christian ones.  Among them: “Be angry but not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.”

Is anger a sin?  “Be angry….”  It took years to learn that being angry is okay.  In my family of origin, anger was bad.  “Don’t be angry, because being angry is a sin.”  Bad theology!  The Bible does not say, “Don’t be angry.”  The Apostle acknowledges that we do get angry.

Jesus became angry.  All four Gospels report that Jesus visited the temple in Jerusalem – the national cathedral, we would call it.
In the temple he found people selling cattle, sheep, and doves, and the money changers seated at their tables.  Making a whip of cords, he drove all of them out of the temple, both the sheep and the cattle.  He also poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.  He told those who were selling the doves, “Take these things out of here!  Stop making my Father’s house a marketplace!  John 2:13-16

Being angry is not a sin!   What we do with our anger makes it a sin or a blessing.  Anger is an emotion that opens the door to sin.  The question for the Christian is: How do I manage my anger in God’s service?  It is a stewardship question.

Managing our anger toward constructive purposes

The Apostle warns of anger providing an opening for temptation.  Thankfully, anger also may be constructive.  How?  By being a powerful motivator for improvement.  Anger that drives us to create improvement is a gift from God.

Jesus cleansed the temple.  He was furious!  Why?  Because the temple was intended as a place of prayer!  They had perverted it into a shopping mall.  They were wrong!  Jesus’ anger empowered him to challenge the wrong.  Would the legal status of African Americans have improved without some people getting angry?  Would the working of children all day in the sweat shops and coal mines have stopped if people had not gotten angry?  MADD – Mothers against Drunk Drivers – would they have attacked the carnage on our highways if the mothers had not gotten angry?  Anger, when channeled by God’s Spirit, may be constructive.  Thank God for constructive anger.

But, be careful!  The Devil sees anger as an opportunity!  When emotions are hot, we lose control.  We say what we wish later that we had not said.  We hurt people.  We may get violent.  Be suspicious of anger!

What are a few ways to manage our anger?

My father-in-law was a wonderful guy, very generous in spirit, very humorous.  But, his pet peeve was preachers and their abstract ideas.  He said to me several times, “You preachers tell us what we should do but you never tell us how to do it.  You let us dangle out there on our own.  You give us grand theories of what should be, but you don’t tell us how to get there?”

“Okay, Joe, I hear you all the way from heaven.”  How do we manage our anger constructively to bring blessings?

(You know these ideas and methods.  However, if you are like I am, you follow habits and need to be reminded of alternatives.)

1.  Research

We say, “Count to ten before you say anything.”  To which I add, “and get the facts, including to whom the anger appropriately is directed.”  So much anger is based upon false information.  I am amazed at how many times members of the church are angry over a false understanding.

I recall one evening before session meeting.  I arrived about a half hour early.  As I walked into the long hall heading toward the lounge where the meeting would be held, an elder, Mike, who had arrived very early bellowed angrily at me from the other end of the hall, “Pastor, I have a bone to pick with you!”  I was shocked, and stammered something like, “Oh, what’s wrong?”  I felt my face burn.  With spiny tongue he told me, “I just opened a letter that the church sent me.  You spelled my name wrong!  You would think that the church could get my name right!”  As others arrived, conversation began and I learned what had happened. He had not had time to eat dinner before coming to the session meeting.  At about 5:00 p.m., the head of the company had phoned Mike and chewed him out for fifteen minutes, and hung up without ever telling Mike what he had done wrong.  Then Mike opened his mail, saw the misspelled name and blasted me.  I had nothing to do with it.  The mail had come from the presbytery’s office where he served on a committee.  Apparently a secretary simply had mis-typed his name.  (Incidentally, in time it was learned that the angry boss was in early stages of Alzheimer’s.)

Mike needed to take time to count to ten and find out who made the mistake, so that he did not direct his anger at an innocent.  Sometimes we are compelled to unload anger, and the innocent suffer.  This gives the Devil an opportunity to erode a relationship. 

So, take a breath, get the facts, and direct the anger appropriately.

2.  Figure out why you are angry.

Do you always know why you are angry?  I don’t.

When I was a 40-year old senior pastor, we called a newly graduated woman as associate pastor.  She was ten years older than I – second career for her.  She came on with the zeal of a new person in the field, full of ideas – that was great.  She told me and the session what we should be doing – not so great.  I resented her supercilious attitude.  I felt an intensity of resentment out of proportion to the provocation.  After about six months, it dawned on me one day, “She is my mother!  When she comes on like that, I feel the same emotions that I felt at 18 when my mother bossed me around!”

Ask, “Why am I angry?  Why do I feel this way?”

3.  Talk it through.

There is a way to talk and a way not to talk!

You are to pick me up after work.  You forget, and arrive 45 minutes late.  When you arrive, I angrily attack, “You shirker!  Can’t you remember anything!  You never keep your promises.  You are terrible!”  What is your reaction?  You will become defensive, and either withdraw or shoot back.  Accusing and name-calling are fight provoking words – very effective temptations. 

An alternative to blaming and withdrawal is to communicate by saying, “I feel…” or “I want….”  The approach is:  “I’m angry!  I was hurt that you did not come for me!  I worried that you might have had an accident.  I need to talk this through, because I don’t like being angry with you.  And, as a Christian it is not appropriate to hold my anger.  This is how I feel….”   Hopefully, the lack of attack will encourage conversation, rather than counter attack.

After speaking on this text in Orchard Park, a very sharp woman professor came by me at the door, and said, “Nix the blame.  Fix the problem.”  I add, “Nix the name-calling.  Fix the relationship.”  I have tried to live by those proverbs.  By itself, blaming improves nothing.  It is the fixing that brings blessing.

4.  Forgive, so that the relationship may move forward.

Christine and her husband, Tom, went to a party.  Tom made a complete fool of himself.  The next day Tom felt deep remorse for his actions and begged his wife to forgive him.  “I do, Honey,” she promised.  But for the next few months, whenever something came up that displeased her, she would bring up the party.  “I thought you forgave me for that!” the husband barked.  “Darling, I did forgive you – I just don’t want you to forget that I forgave you.”

That is not forgiveness.  Forgiveness, as the Apostle Paul tells us in his letter to the Colossians is modeled by Jesus, “…forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”  Colossians 3:13  If holding a grudge, we cannot really pray the Lord’s Prayer.  “Forgive us our debts….”  What is the rest?  “As we forgive our debtors.”  Forgiveness leaves the past in the past and makes it possible for relationships to continue.  Without forgiveness, no relationship thrives.

5.  Pray

And in conclusion, I add one more that needs to be done constantly, whatever other technique we use: Take it to the Lord in prayer.  (Mike Denham edited the hymn by changing “pain’ to “anger.”  Appropriate touch.)
            What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
            What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!

            O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless anger we bear,
            All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Normally I would never speak about a person who came for prayer with me. But, one person who came had an attitude that I admire.  I’ll not give specifics.  This person came to pray because of feeling hurt and angry.  The feelings were intense!  The eyes filled with tears as the person spoke about what had happened.  The person came for prayer that the response would be appropriate for a Christian and for guidance in behaving in a way that would not make things worse.  Wonderful theology!  Mature personality!  There was an awareness that anger needs to be managed, just as we manage our money and time.  It is a stewardship question.

Conclusion

I have reminded you of five behaviors that handle anger well in God’s service.  We know them.  But, do we do them or follow our habits?  We need to do them, so the Devil has no chance.

Please be quiet for a minute.  If you have anger, recent or long-held, take it to the Lord in prayer.

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